How to Survive a Cold...

Wiarton Willy told us there was going to be six more weeks of winter. This means six more weeks of bone-chilling temperatures, and the potential to succumb to germs all around us. Last week, I became a victim of some evil bacterium... For four days and counting, I've been trying to get rid of it (it's reading week after all).

Item #1 - Breathe Right Strips

Although these things might make you look like Heidi Montag, they are a life saver. They don't contain any drugs (some are coated with menthol, if you need it) but merely open up your nasal passages so you can breathe better. Wear them to bed, or all day to help you breathe and save your throat from getting sore.

Item #2 - Vick's Vapour Rub

mmmm... the scent of menthol. Apply a thin layer before going to bed on your throat and back, magically, you won't be awakened by the urge to cough in the middle of the night. The smell is a bit strong, but it grows on you, even though you kind of turn into a greasy Christmas tree.

Item #3 - Day Time TV

Now whether this involves transvetites on the Tyra Show or titties on Springer, letting your brain turn to mush is an essential part to getting on the road to recovery. You're sick, screw concentrating. (Discovery channel is only allowed if it's Mythbusters or something with as many explosions)

Item #4 - Chicken Soup

People have claimed this to be "Jewish Penicillin"... I don't really know about that claim, or why chicken soup would be considered jewish (considering the stuff we eat out of Campbell's is matzo-ball free...sadly) but it works. The warm broth instantly clears sinuses, while administering a healthy dose of fluids. Too bad I can't taste it.

Item #5 - Complaining

You're sick after all... why not take advantage of this time and make everyone feel as useless as your physical strength. Give yourself complete license to throw a diva fit and demand for discontinued lozenge lollipops. Bitch about being sick to your friends, bitch about being sick to your followers, bitch about being sick on your blog (sorry guys...) or bitch about the humidity level until your family members turn your living room into a 16x20 area with the climate of a Brazillian jungle. I know it's bad to take out your misery on loved ones, but you can get away with it.

Get better, until then, I will be tweeting about who's (or who isn't...) the daddy on the Maury show.